THE HFL CRIMSON CHRONICLE

Season IX is open. Thirty-two teams, fifty-four rounds and 1,728 picks later, the Madden 27 fantasy draft is finished, every roster has landed in the league's books, and the HFL starts a new cycle from scratch: no standings, an empty record book for the cycle, and a defending champion in Green Bay whose title-winning roster no longer exists. Cleveland took Josh Allen first overall. The next four picks were quarterbacks too. And this paper has a new name at the bottom of every page.

The Ruckus Report: Five Quarterbacks Before Anybody Blinked

Veronica Ruckus, Senior HFL Correspondent. The complaints department is also me, and the complaints department would like to open the season with a question for the first five teams on the clock: did any of you consider a left tackle?

You did not. Cleveland took Josh Allen (QB, 99 overall) at No. 1. Indianapolis answered with Joe Burrow (QB, 97). Houston took Lamar Jackson (QB, 94), Denver took Drake Maye (QB, 92) and Atlanta took Caleb Williams (QB, 90). Christian Gonzalez (CB, 98) went sixth to Philadelphia, which makes him the first non-quarterback off the board and, by rating, a higher-rated player than four of the five passers taken ahead of him. Fourteen of the 32 first-round picks were quarterbacks.

I'm not going to pretend that's wrong. A fantasy draft is a snake: whoever picks first in a round picks last in the next one, so Pittsburgh picked 32nd and 33rd and Cleveland waited until No. 64 to go again. In a draft built like that, the scarce thing is the thing you take first, and this league decided the scarce thing was a quarterback. The test is what everyone found at the turn. Seattle, picking 31st and 34th, came out of it with Tristan Wirfs (LT, 95) and Myles Garrett (REDGE, 99). Pittsburgh paired Maxx Crosby (LEDGE, 97) with Derrick Brown (DT, 96). That is the counter-argument, and once the games start it gets a scoreboard.

The First Round

Overall ratings are EA's, from the league export taken after the draft.

By the Numbers

• Six players carry a 99 overall, and all six were gone by pick No. 34: Josh Allen (1, Browns), Jaxon Smith-Njigba (7, Commanders), Ja'Marr Chase (11, Chargers), Matthew Stafford (22, 49ers), Trey McBride (24, Panthers) and Myles Garrett (34, Seahawks).
• The first round averaged a 93.9 overall. The lowest-rated first-rounder was Jayden Daniels at 80 — last volume's final cover athlete, now in Dallas.
• The Chargers and the Jets drafted four X-Factor players each, the most of any team. Four teams drafted none: the Buccaneers, Cowboys, Rams and Cardinals.
• EA rates Indianapolis and Minnesota as the league's best teams, at 86 overall. Dallas sits at the bottom at 78. Every other team lands between 79 and 85.
• Green Bay built the youngest roster in the draft, with its 54 picks averaging 23.7 years old. The Jets went the other way, at 28.5.
• The last cycle's rushing record changes addresses. Jahmyr Gibbs, who finished Season VIII at 3,126 regular-season yards, went eighth to Chicago. Bijan Robinson, whose record he broke, went seven picks later, to the Giants at No. 15.
• Matthew Stafford, 38, was the oldest first-round pick. Brock Bowers, 23, was the youngest, at No. 28 to Tennessee.

Credit Where It's Due

Every draft has a stretch where the room stops paying attention, and in this one it was the offensive line. Minnesota took Lane Johnson (RT, 97) with the 104th pick. Atlanta took Trent Williams (LT, 96) at No. 133. Cleveland took Joe Thuney (LG, 96) at No. 193 — after spending its first pick on the best quarterback in the league, the Browns found a 96-rated guard to stand in front of him in the seventh round of a fifty-four-round draft. Nobody writes a column about the 193rd pick. I just did.

One more, because I have a weakness and I'd rather declare it now than have it discovered. The league went 538 picks without taking a fullback. The Rams ended that at No. 539 with Reggie Gilliam (FB, 83). I respect it. I will be watching every snap he plays. The first kicker came off the board 23 picks later, Brandon Aubrey (K, 87) to the Giants at No. 562.

The Hill I'm Dying On

Ten quarterbacks went ahead of Matthew Stafford. He's 38, he went 22nd, and he's rated 99. Here's the call: at the end of the Season IX regular season, Stafford finishes with more passing yards than at least five of the ten quarterbacks drafted before him. That's Allen, Burrow, Jackson, Maye, Williams, Mahomes, Herbert, Prescott, Love and Daniels. If he passes fewer than five of them, I'll say so in this space, by name, and San Francisco gets the apology.

The Chronicle Has Company: HFL-NN Goes on the Air

The league has a television network now. HFL-NN, the HFL News Network, is launching with Season IX: a weekly show after each advance and breaking-news bulletins when something big happens in between. The desk is lead anchor Hal Huxley, league insider Sasha Sterling, analyst Big Ray Mobley, Nate "The Numbers" Okafor on the analytics desk, and Gus Grimley, who runs something called Conspiracy Corner and who I suspect will be the first person to blame the sim for a fumble.

I hosted Unnecessary Ruckus on overnight radio, arguing with people who called in about fourth downs, so I know exactly what it's like to talk about football to an audience that can't hear you correct yourself. A newspaper keeps the receipts, and a broadcast moves on to the next segment. Between the two of us, nothing in this league goes unreported. HFL-NN's first episode, introducing the desk and the new league, is airing now. Welcome to the beat, everyone. Big Ray, I've read your takes. We'll talk.

Before Kickoff

New title, new team ids, so team assignments start fresh with Season IX. If you're coaching a team this cycle, claim it on the HFL Hub so your name goes on the standings, the schedule, and this paper. The Chronicle names coaches by their preferred league name, and I can't use a name the hub doesn't have.

My picks start with Week 1, once the schedule is out. They'll be wrong sometimes. Every one of them stays on the record anyway.

Press Row

This week's question, from the desk: Which player from your draft will matter most to your team this season? One player, one sentence. Answers submitted on the issue page run in the next issue, credited to you and your team.

On the Cover

Volume 3 starts a new cover rotation: no team repeats until all 32 have had one. The first goes to the first pick. Josh Allen, QB, Cleveland Browns, 99 overall.

League Poll

One question to open the cycle. Pick the first-rounder you most want to watch.