🏈 HANK BARRETT’S HFL FANTASY DRAFT TIERS — PART II

🏈 HANK BARRETT’S HFL FANTASY DRAFT TIERS — PART II

22 Rounds Later: Alright, Now I See What You People Were Doing

By Hank Barrett | HFL Senior Analyst

Last time you heard from me, we were six rounds into this thing.

Six rounds.

That’s barely enough time to figure out where the bathrooms are, let alone decide whether somebody knows how to build a football team.

Didn’t stop me from having opinions, of course.

I had plenty.

I wanted Cleveland to find somebody capable of blocking. I wanted Seattle to stay patient at quarterback. I wanted Detroit to remember touchdowns are generally considered helpful.

And Cincinnati?

I asked Cincinnati a very simple question.

Who’s playing quarterback?

Sixteen rounds later, I’m still waiting on an answer.

But I’ve learned something.

Some of you knew exactly what you were doing.

Some of you had plans I couldn’t see yet.

Some of you are gambling on young quarterbacks.

And some of you appear to be conducting football experiments without adult supervision.

That’s fine.

I’m not here to tell everybody there’s only one way to build a football team. I’ve been around long enough to watch this league change its mind about that about 400 times.

But I know what I like.

Protect your quarterback.

Hit theirs.

Have somebody who can get you four yards when everybody in the stadium knows you need four yards.

And please—I’m begging you—have some idea how you’re going to score points.

I’ve got all 32 draft boards sitting in front of me.

Coffee’s hot.

Reading glasses are on.

Let’s see what you people did.

⸻

🥩 TIER I — “NOW THAT’S HOW YOU BUILD A FOOTBALL TEAM.”

BUFFALO BILLS

Alright, Buffalo.

You got me.

Patrick Mahomes was easy.

If you’ve got the chance to draft Mahomes, you draft Mahomes. My granddaughter could’ve made that pick, and she thinks a nickel defense has something to do with loose change.

What Buffalo did afterward is what impresses me.

Rashawn Slater.

Zach Tom.

Erik McCoy.

Isaac Seumalo.

Jonah Jackson.

There’s your offensive line.

Amazing concept, isn’t it?

You draft the best quarterback on the board and then spend resources making sure 280-pound men aren’t landing on him every Sunday.

Then Buffalo gives Mahomes DeVonta Smith and T.J. Hockenson.

Travis Etienne in the backfield.

Jonathan Greenard rushing the passer.

Christian Benford outside.

What’s my complaint supposed to be here?

I don’t have one.

And believe me, I’ve looked.

MY VERDICT: Drafting Patrick Mahomes doesn’t make you clever. Building the rest of this roster does.

⸻

INDIANAPOLIS COLTS

I’ve been staring at Indianapolis for five minutes trying to find something that annoys me.

This is usually one of my greatest talents.

Nothing yet.

Joe Burrow.

Drake London.

Courtland Sutton.

Sam LaPorta.

Then you’ve got Landon Dickerson and Kevin Dotson inside.

That’s exactly what I want around Burrow.

Big receivers. Strong interior protection. Let the man stand in the pocket and operate.

And apparently Indianapolis decided Burrow shouldn’t have to score 35 every week either.

Danielle Hunter.

Daron Payne.

Grover Stewart.

Odafe Oweh.

Charvarius Ward.

There’s size. There’s pass rush. There’s experience.

This isn’t complicated.

Sometimes you look at a draft board and immediately understand what somebody was trying to accomplish.

I understand Indianapolis.

MY VERDICT: If Burrow complains about his supporting cast, take away his parking spot.

⸻

SEATTLE SEAHAWKS

Oh, I’ve been waiting for this one.

Remember Part I?

Everybody was looking at Seattle wondering when the quarterback was coming.

I said don’t panic.

Seattle didn’t panic.

Then they landed C.J. Stroud.

Excuse me while I adjust my suspenders and enjoy being correct.

Stroud now gets Tristan Wirfs protecting him, Chris Lindstrom inside, A.J. Brown outside and Travis Kelce working the middle.

Then Seattle sends Myles Garrett onto the field when the other team gets the football.

That’s almost rude.

Jaycee Horn behind him doesn’t hurt either.

Seattle didn’t draft scared.

That’s what I like.

They trusted that eventually the board would give them an answer.

It did.

MY VERDICT: Somewhere there’s a coach who reached for a quarterback 100 picks earlier staring at C.J. Stroud’s name and kicking furniture.

⸻

SAN FRANCISCO 49ERS

San Francisco has apparently decided the year 2031 is somebody else’s problem.

Matthew Stafford.

Christian McCaffrey.

Tyreek Hill.

Mark Andrews.

I looked at that group and immediately checked whether the HFL had introduced an AARP salary-cap exemption.

But you know what?

I LOVE IT.

Everybody gets obsessed with windows.

“What’s the five-year plan?”

“What’s the seven-year plan?”

You know what my plan is?

WIN THE DAMN FOOTBALL GAME.

Stafford gets Tyreek stretching the field, McCaffrey creating problems everywhere and Andrews working inside.

They built protection.

Then Josh Hines-Allen and Jonathan Allen give them legitimate defensive muscle.

Could this roster age quickly?

Of course.

So could I.

I’m still showing up to work.

MY VERDICT: San Francisco isn’t drafting for someday. They’re drafting for Sunday.

⸻

KANSAS CITY CHIEFS

Here’s another roster where I don’t need a decoder ring.

Dak Prescott.

Josh Jacobs.

David Montgomery.

George Kittle.

Jaylen Waddle.

Rome Odunze.

Andrew Thomas.

Chris Jones.

L’Jarius Sneed.

Good football players.

What a concept.

Dak doesn’t need to play superhero every week.

Run Jacobs.

Run Montgomery.

Let Kittle beat up the middle of the field.

Let Waddle stretch people out.

Let Odunze win outside.

Then turn around and let Chris Jones ruin somebody else’s afternoon.

Kansas City isn’t trying to impress me with how clever they are.

That’s probably why I’m impressed.

MY VERDICT: Sometimes the smartest guy in the room is the one who doesn’t need everybody to know he’s the smartest guy in the room.

⸻

🔨 TIER II — “ALRIGHT. I SEE THE VISION.”

HOUSTON TEXANS

Now THIS is what I mean when I say build around your quarterback.

Houston drafted Lamar Jackson.

Then they apparently asked themselves:

“What makes Lamar Jackson difficult to defend?”

And instead of immediately forgetting the answer, they kept drafting accordingly.

Christian Darrisaw.

Luke Goedeke.

Elgton Jenkins.

O’Cyrus Torrence.

Big people.

Garrett Wilson outside.

Pat Freiermuth inside.

Jaylen Warren in the backfield.

You can build an entire rushing attack around that personnel without turning Lamar into your running back.

Then Houston starts stacking the defense.

Jared Verse.

George Karlaftis.

Zach Allen.

Kenny Clark.

Nick Bolton.

Carlton Davis.

I understand every bit of it.

MY VERDICT: Houston didn’t draft Lamar Jackson and then ask him to fix everything. They built Lamar Jackson a football team.

⸻

BALTIMORE RAVENS

Justin Herbert might be able to bring a lawn chair into the pocket.

Jordan Mailata.

Darnell Wright.

Mike Onwenu.

Alijah Vera-Tucker.

That’s a lot of beef.

Kyren Williams is probably looking at that group like Christmas came early.

Roquan Smith gives the defense somebody I trust to organize the whole operation.

I like Baltimore.

A lot.

I’ve got one question.

When it’s third-and-nine and everybody in the building knows Herbert is throwing, who scares me?

Ricky Pearsall?

Quentin Johnston?

Maybe.

I just don’t know yet.

And that’s really the only thing separating Baltimore from my first group.

MY VERDICT: Beautiful house. Strong foundation. I’d still like another piece of furniture.

⸻

MINNESOTA VIKINGS

Apparently Minnesota doesn’t believe receivers should be allowed to age.

Justin Jefferson on one side.

Davante Adams on the other.

Jared Goff at quarterback.

Laremy Tunsil and Lane Johnson protecting him.

I’ve heard the complaints.

“They’re old, Hank.”

Yeah?

They’re also GOOD.

Jalen Ramsey is over there too.

So is Dre Greenlaw.

So is Jaelan Phillips.

Minnesota clearly believes its time is now.

Good.

Not everybody needs to spend four seasons collecting young players so somebody on television can praise their “process.”

Eventually you’ve got to win.

MY VERDICT: Wake me up when the retirement home starts losing.

⸻

NEW YORK GIANTS

Bijan Robinson.

Quenton Nelson.

I could stop there and already understand what we’re doing.

Run the football.

Please.

For the love of everything holy, RUN THE FOOTBALL.

Baker Mayfield doesn’t need 48 attempts.

He’s got Terry McLaurin.

He’s got Dalton Schultz.

He’s got veteran tackles.

Use play action. Move the chains. Let Baker compete without asking him to become something he’s not.

Then Jessie Bates gives the defense the kind of veteran safety I trust.

This roster isn’t fancy.

Neither is a hammer.

Still works.

MY VERDICT: If Bijan is healthy and Baker throws 48 times, somebody needs to explain themselves Monday morning.

⸻

GREEN BAY PACKERS

I’m going to say this again because apparently nobody listened the first time.

PAY ATTENTION TO GREEN BAY.

Brock Purdy.

Ashton Jeanty.

Zay Flowers.

Jayden Reed.

Colston Loveland.

Nobody has to dominate the football.

Everybody can contribute.

Then you’ve got Aidan Hutchinson on the other side, which means every opposing offensive coordinator starts the week figuring out where he’s lining up.

There’s no circus here.

No strange experiment.

Just a young, balanced football team.

Those tend to become annoying around November.

MY VERDICT: We’ll all pretend we’re shocked when Green Bay quietly wins a bunch of games.

⸻

CLEVELAND BROWNS

Alright.

Everybody enjoy this.

I’m about to say something I don’t say often.

I was wrong.

There.

That’s it.

Don’t ask again.

Part I, I looked at Cleveland and asked who the hell was going to block for Josh Allen.

Apparently somebody mailed the article directly to the draft room.

Josh Simmons.

Joe Thuney.

Graham Barton.

Robert Hunt.

Taliese Fuaga.

ALRIGHT!

I GET IT!

You found offensive linemen!

Now Josh Allen has protection.

Quinshon Judkins has blockers.

Tetairoa McMillan gives Allen a big target outside.

And the defense still has young talent in the secondary.

That’s good roster construction.

I just happened to complain before they finished constructing it.

MY VERDICT: Cleveland gave me exactly what I asked for, which is extremely inconsiderate because now I have to apologize.

⸻

👀 TIER III — “NOW YOU’VE GOT MY ATTENTION.”

NEW ORLEANS SAINTS

Puka Nacua and Chris Olave.

That’s where I started.

Then I saw Joe Alt, Ikem Ekwonu and Quinn Meinerz.

Now we’re talking.

Then Abdul Carter, Milton Williams and Alim McNeill show up on the other side.

Okay.

New Orleans has my attention.

Which brings me to Bryce Young.

Bryce, buddy…

They’ve done their part.

Receivers?

Check.

Protection?

Check.

Defense?

Check.

At some point the quarterback has to repay everybody for furnishing the house.

MY VERDICT: We’re about to learn a whole lot about Bryce Young.

⸻

WASHINGTON COMMANDERS

Trevor Lawrence might be the most spoiled quarterback in this draft.

JSN.

Cooper Kupp.

Tyler Warren.

Omarion Hampton.

Tyler Smith.

Charles Cross.

Taylor Moton.

Joe Tippmann.

Connor McGovern.

What else would you like, Trevor?

Should somebody warm your towel at halftime?

Kyle Hamilton gives Washington a defensive centerpiece too.

I’m not saying the roster is perfect.

I’m saying Washington has done enough that we’re not spending the season blaming everybody around the quarterback.

MY VERDICT: Trevor, they’re handing you the keys. Please don’t ask where the steering wheel is.

⸻

JACKSONVILLE JAGUARS

Jalen Hurts.

James Cook.

Tee Higgins.

Jordan Addison.

Brandon Aiyuk.

Tony Pollard.

Well, Jacksonville certainly isn’t planning on winning 13–10.

There are a lot of different ways to attack somebody with that group.

Dion Dawkins gives Hurts veteran protection.

Kevin Zeitler does the same inside.

Jaylon Johnson gives Jacksonville a legitimate top corner.

I’d still like another defensive front player who makes me nervous.

But offensively?

Yeah.

I understand the idea.

MY VERDICT: If Jacksonville can’t score, check whether somebody accidentally unplugged the scoreboard.

⸻

CAROLINA PANTHERS

Sam Darnold should be sending thank-you cards.

Nico Collins.

DJ Moore.

Trey McBride.

Chase Brown.

Paris Johnson.

Brian O’Neill.

What else do you need?

Joey Bosa, Ed Oliver, Marlon Humphrey and Jalen Pitre give Carolina plenty to work with defensively too.

Which means this conversation gets very simple.

Sam?

You’re up.

That’s not criticism.

That’s football.

Sometimes a front office gives the quarterback everything it reasonably can and says, “Alright, show us.”

MY VERDICT: Carolina bought the groceries. Darnold’s cooking dinner.

⸻

TAMPA BAY BUCCANEERS

I’ve been waiting 22 rounds for Tampa to do something insane.

Nothing.

Jordan Love.

Bucky Irving.

Ladd McConkey.

Tucker Kraft.

Denzel Ward.

Rashan Gary.

Kobie Turner.

Tremaine Edmunds.

Will Johnson.

Just good players.

At positions that make sense.

Where’s the lunacy?

Where’s the pick that makes me spill coffee on the newspaper?

Apparently there isn’t one.

Maybe that’s the whole point.

MY VERDICT: I’ve spent my entire life complaining about people getting too cute. Tampa finally doesn’t get cute and somehow I’m disappointed. That’s my problem, not theirs.

⸻

ATLANTA FALCONS

Caleb Williams, meet Trent Williams.

Stay near him.

Seriously.

Wherever Trent goes, Caleb goes.

Atlanta gives its young quarterback De’Von Achane in the backfield and Chris Godwin outside.

Greg Rousseau and Jack Campbell give the defense legitimate pieces.

Would I like another receiver?

Yes.

Am I going to throw a fit about it?

No.

They handled the important stuff first.

MY VERDICT: Protect the kid. Give him a running game. Let him grow. Somebody in Atlanta has been paying attention.

⸻

🎲 TIER IV — “OH, WE’RE GAMBLING. I LIKE IT.”

LOS ANGELES RAMS

This might be my favorite gamble.

Penei Sewell.

Creed Humphrey.

Trey Smith.

Kolton Miller.

The Rams built the house first.

Then they went shopping for the quarterback.

Cam Ward.

Then Brian Thomas Jr.

Then Marvin Harrison Jr.

Kenneth Walker is already in the backfield.

Look, I don’t know exactly what Cam Ward becomes.

Neither do you.

Neither does the guy yelling at his television right now.

That’s why they play the games.

But if you’re going to bet on a young quarterback, THIS is how you make the bet.

MY VERDICT: If Ward hits, the Rams are going to look like they knew the ending before everybody else finished reading the book.

⸻

PHILADELPHIA EAGLES

Saquon Barkley.

Tyler Linderbaum.

Taylor Decker.

Jake Ferguson.

Cam Heyward.

Christian Gonzalez.

Montez Sweat.

I like this team.

Then there’s Jaxson Dart.

That’s the whole conversation.

Not because I dislike the kid.

I don’t.

But Philadelphia has built a roster with veterans ready to win football games right now.

That puts a lot on a young quarterback.

Maybe he’s ready.

If he is, move Philadelphia right up this list.

MY VERDICT: I understand the bet. I just hope somebody checked the odds.

⸻

TENNESSEE TITANS

If I’m Bo Nix, I’m buying Amon-Ra St. Brown and Brock Bowers dinner every Thursday.

Need six yards?

One of them is probably open.

Need eight?

Still probably open.

That’s a quarterback-friendly pair.

Jeremiyah Love gives them youth in the backfield.

Mason Graham, Talanoa Hufanga, DaRon Bland and Nick Herbig give Tennessee legitimate defensive building blocks.

It all comes back to Nix.

And that’s okay.

Every roster eventually comes back to somebody.

MY VERDICT: Table’s set, Bo. Eat.

⸻

ARIZONA CARDINALS

Will Anderson.

Jeffery Simmons.

Zack Baun.

Byron Murphy.

I LIKE THAT.

That’s the kind of defensive front that makes an offense change what it wanted to do.

Then you’ve got DK Metcalf standing outside for Ty Simpson.

That’s not a bad emergency button for a young quarterback.

“Things are going poorly. Throw it toward the enormous man.”

Works for me.

Arizona has invested in the line too.

Now we find out about Simpson.

MY VERDICT: Good defense, big receiver, young quarterback. I’ve seen worse plans.

⸻

DENVER BRONCOS

Drake Maye.

Emeka Egbuka.

Luther Burden.

TreVeyon Henderson.

Denver apparently walked into the draft room and said, “Give me everybody who’s going to be good for the next decade.”

I respect the optimism.

Nik Bonitto, A.J. Terrell, Caleb Downs and Jevon Holland give the defense plenty of talent too.

I’d still like more certainty up front offensively.

That’s the part I’m watching.

Because young quarterbacks are wonderful.

Young quarterbacks running for their lives are considerably less wonderful.

MY VERDICT: I see where Denver is going. Make sure Maye survives the trip.

⸻

DALLAS COWBOYS

Jayden Daniels.

Malik Nabers.

Jameson Williams.

Xavier Worthy.

What in the 4x100 relay is going on here?

How fast do you need to be?!

At some point I expected Dallas to draft Usain Bolt just to make sure nobody else could.

Then Zach Frazier, Peter Skoronski and Ronnie Stanley arrived.

Oh!

There are the blockers.

Leonard Williams helps defensively too.

Do I completely understand this roster?

No.

Do I desperately want to watch it?

Absolutely.

MY VERDICT: I don’t know what the hell they’re doing, but I’ll buy a ticket.

⸻

🤨 TIER V — “SOMEBODY WALK ME THROUGH THIS.”

DETROIT LIONS

Detroit and I have been arguing for 16 rounds.

They don’t know this.

But we have.

Micah Parsons.

Jalen Carter.

Kerby Joseph.

Joey Porter Jr.

Defense.

Defense.

Defense.

And I kept asking:

“Anybody planning on scoring?”

Then came Kyle Pitts.

Michael Pittman Jr.

Romeo Doubs.

Germie Bernard.

Jadarian Price.

THERE YOU ARE!

I knew the offense had to be somewhere.

Then Detroit added Bobby Wagner because apparently the defense wasn’t terrifying enough already.

There’s just one thing.

I keep looking at this roster.

Then I look again.

Then I take the glasses off, wipe them, put them back on…

WHO’S THE QUARTERBACK?

Apparently Detroit heard me asking for offense and decided I needed to be more specific.

That’s on me.

MY VERDICT: Detroit found the offense. Now somebody find the guy who’s supposed to run it.

⸻

MIAMI DOLPHINS

Miami drafted Patrick Surtain.

Then Devon Witherspoon.

Then Travis Hunter.

At one point I wondered whether the general manager was simply collecting cornerbacks like baseball cards.

Then came Travon Walker.

Nolan Smith.

Payton Wilson.

Alright.

We’re building a defense.

I understand.

Then Miami invested heavily in the offensive line.

Will Campbell.

Kelvin Banks.

Tyler Biadasz.

Wyatt Teller.

Good!

And then I arrive at Malik Willis and Taylen Green.

Hmm.

I’m not angry.

I’m intrigued.

I’m also confused.

Those things can coexist.

MY VERDICT: I understand every chapter individually. Somebody explain the ending.

⸻

NEW ENGLAND PATRIOTS

For six rounds, New England drafted like somebody had informed them offense would be removed from the sport by opening day.

Trent McDuffie.

Quinyon Mitchell.

Xavier McKinney.

Vita Vea.

Defense everywhere.

Then around Round 7 somebody apparently burst into the room yelling:

“GUYS! WE GET POSSESSIONS TOO!”

Suddenly offensive linemen started appearing.

Then Rashid Shaheed.

Jayden Higgins.

Isiah Pacheco.

Brenton Strange.

And finally, Round 22:

J.J. McCarthy.

THERE’S THE QUARTERBACK!

I’ve been looking for him since lunch.

MY VERDICT: The final roster makes more sense than the journey. I’m not sure whether that’s reassuring.

⸻

NEW YORK JETS

This one bothers me because I like almost everything.

Jonathan Taylor.

Mike Evans.

Good offensive line.

T.J. Watt.

Alex Highsmith.

Laiatu Latu.

Cooper DeJean.

Antoine Winfield Jr.

Marshon Lattimore.

That’s a football team.

Then Riley Leonard walks into the quarterback room and everybody turns around.

Hi, Riley!

No pressure!

Only an entire roster built to win immediately waiting for you.

Could he do it?

Sure.

But I’d like to have been in the meeting.

MY VERDICT: The Jets built a beautiful restaurant and hired the chef on opening morning. Maybe he’s great. I’d still like a reservation near the exit.

⸻

LAS VEGAS RAIDERS

Fred Warner.

Nick Bosa.

Derwin James.

Kamari Lassiter.

Riq Woolen.

Breece Hall.

Stefon Diggs.

I’m reading.

I’m nodding.

I’m reading.

Still nodding.

Quarterback?

Keep reading.

Quarterback?

Keep reading.

ROUND TWENTY-TWO.

Jalen Milroe.

Oh!

There he is!

I asked Las Vegas about quarterback in Part I.

Apparently they responded by mail.

Could Milroe make this whole thing work?

Absolutely.

His athleticism gives the offense possibilities.

I just hope the Raiders didn’t wait this long because they forgot.

MY VERDICT: Thank you for finally returning my call.

⸻

😵‍💫 TIER VI — “WHAT THE HELL WERE YOU THINKING? …ACTUALLY, KEEP TALKING.”

CINCINNATI BENGALS

Cincinnati.

My beautiful, confusing Cincinnati Bengals.

Derek Stingley.

Sauce Gardner.

Quinnen Williams.

Dexter Lawrence.

James Pearce.

Khalil Mack.

WHAT ARE YOU BUILDING?!

I mean that affectionately!

This defense is ridiculous.

If I’m Cincinnati’s defensive coordinator, I’m showing up to work at 4:30 in the morning just because I can’t wait to draw things on the whiteboard.

Then I flip over to the offense.

Where’s the quarterback?

Flip another page.

Still looking.

Check underneath the folder.

Nothing.

TWENTY-TWO ROUNDS!

At this point I’m not criticizing Cincinnati.

I’m studying them.

Maybe they know something.

Maybe they’re planning to force six turnovers every Sunday.

Maybe Sauce Gardner has secretly been practicing quarterback.

I don’t know!

But I HAVE to watch.

MY VERDICT: Somebody invite me to the next Cincinnati draft meeting. I’ll bring donuts and promise not to speak. I just need answers.

⸻

PITTSBURGH STEELERS

Maxx Crosby.

Brian Burns.

Derrick Brown.

DeForest Buckner.

Minkah Fitzpatrick.

Budda Baker.

Devin Lloyd.

Drue Tranquill.

This is disgusting.

I mean that as the highest compliment available.

Pittsburgh apparently looked at every offensive trend from the last 20 years and said:

“No.”

Every time they went on the clock, I waited.

Quarterback?

Defender.

Receiver?

Defender.

Quarterback?

ANOTHER DEFENDER.

Then Round 22 arrives.

Drew Allar.

DREW!

There you are!

We’ve been worried sick!

Look, I respect the commitment.

If you’re going to build defense first, apparently Pittsburgh believes you should build the entire defense first.

MY VERDICT: I don’t know whether this is genius or stubbornness. Considering it’s Pittsburgh, probably both.

⸻

LOS ANGELES CHARGERS

Ja’Marr Chase.

CeeDee Lamb.

Derrick Henry.

Trey Hendrickson.

Nnamdi Madubuike.

I kept reading those names thinking:

“Somebody’s showing off.”

Then I reached Tyler Shough.

Ah.

There’s the adventure.

Imagine being Shough on the first day of camp.

You walk into the huddle.

Ja’Marr Chase looks at you.

CeeDee Lamb looks at you.

Derrick Henry looks at you.

I’d turn around and check whether they’re staring at another quarterback.

Nope.

It’s you, kid.

Could this work?

Absolutely.

And if Shough plays well, the Chargers could look brilliant.

That’s why I’m not burying the idea.

I’m fascinated by it.

MY VERDICT: No pressure, Tyler. Just don’t waste the most ridiculous collection of offensive weapons I’ve seen all afternoon.

⸻

CHICAGO BEARS

Here’s why Chicago is down here:

I actually like the roster.

Jahmyr Gibbs.

George Pickens.

Rashee Rice.

Dalton Kincaid.

Brian Branch.

Rueben Bain.

Walter Nolen.

Jihaad Campbell.

There are good football players everywhere.

And then the whole room gets quiet.

Fernando Mendoza walks in.

Everybody smiles.

Hi, Fernando.

Hope you’re good!

Because Chicago has built enough around its quarterback that this becomes a very interesting team if Mendoza is the answer.

That’s not me saying he isn’t.

It’s me saying Chicago has placed one enormous bet.

And unlike Cincinnati, I actually understand what the bet is.

MY VERDICT: I don’t hate it. I just hope somebody did the homework.

⸻

🎙️ HANK BARRETT’S FINAL WORD

I’M NOT MAD. I JUST HAVE QUESTIONS.

Twenty-two rounds later, here’s what I’ve learned.

Buffalo knows exactly what it’s doing.

Indianapolis gave Joe Burrow everything short of his own personal butler.

Seattle stayed patient and made me look smart, which I appreciate.

San Francisco doesn’t care about 2031.

Houston actually understood how to build around Lamar Jackson.

Cleveland forced me to apologize.

I will hold that against them indefinitely.

Then there are the teams I’m still trying to understand.

Dallas is collecting every fast person in North America.

Miami appears to have started with the goal of making passing illegal.

Las Vegas took 16 rounds to return my phone call.

Pittsburgh built my dream defense and then remembered quarterbacks exist.

Chicago placed one enormous bet on Fernando Mendoza.

The Chargers handed Tyler Shough a set of car keys and pointed toward a Ferrari.

Detroit finally found an offense and somehow still forgot the quarterback.

And Cincinnati…

Oh, Cincinnati.

I don’t know what you’re doing.

I don’t know whether you know what you’re doing.

But I promise you this:

I’m watching.

That’s what makes this whole thing fun.

Thirty-two teams.

Same player pool.

Same number of picks.

And somehow we’ve ended up with 32 completely different ideas about what football is supposed to look like.

Maybe I’m wrong about some of them.

Wouldn’t be the first time.

Cleveland already made sure of that.

But training camp is coming.

Then preseason.

Then the games count.

And eventually all these clever ideas have to survive third-and-seven with somebody trying to knock your quarterback’s head off.

That’s when we’ll find out who actually built a football team.

Until then?

I’ve got coffee to finish.

And apparently I need to make a phone call to Cincinnati.

— Hank Barrett